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Cocaine Bear: The Valentine's Day Card

By Andrew Allingham |

Inspired by the story of Cocaine Bear and the upcoming major motion picture about his life, I googled how to draw a bear. And now behold, 5 Cocaine Bear Valentine's Day eCards and also 1 real card made by real artists that only money can buy!

Now don't get me wrong, I tried to draw a bear by memory, but it looked more like a dog. Once you figure out where to put the face parts, it's a whole lot easier. In real life, bears don't talk, but they do go, "Rar."

Who needs diamonds and gold? 40 kilos of cocaine is an expensive romantic gesture, regardless of if you find it for free in the woods.

I wouldn't call myself a bear aficionado as I've never seen one in real life, but based on knowledge gleamed from childhood, some bears live in caves, which provides consistent romantic lighting no matter the occasion.

Another thing to note is that bears love to eat. Berries and fish are fine, but hearts are really big around Valentine's Day and provide a lot of nutrients too.

It's dangerous to anthropomorphize bears, so please don't approach them in the woods. This one is a very sophisticated cartoon bear though, so it's okay.

And now the moment you've been waiting for- a real card made by real artists that you can actually buy! Grab it and other wonderful Cocaine Bear gear right here on!

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